Hello Tanya

Ep.11- Forgiveness Letters (part two) and Letting Go

• Tanya Barlow • Season 1 • Episode 11

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Welcome back to the Hello Tanya Podcast! This week I'll be discussing how healing shifts your circles, why some relationships start to pinch, and how to let go with kindness using forgiveness letters, energetic cutting tools, and mirror work. 


• Be a control freak about your energy
• "Cut, cut, cut” thought breaker
• Balloon release ritual for letting go
• How to write forgiveness letters to others
• Forgiving yourself 
• Replacing rumination with mirror work
• Affirmations that attract positive energy
• Making space for aligned relationships

If you are enjoying what I’m creating here, I would really appreciate if you subscribed, liked, and commented, because it literally makes a huge difference in visibility in the algorithm. If you are just on podcasts, a rating and a review would also make a big, big difference too! Thank you! <3


Production design, intro music and video by Christopher Stratton. Podcast photos by Frances Carter. Find Tanya at @hellotanya and the pod at @hellotanyapod on IG, and https://www.youtube.com/@hellotanyapod <3

SPEAKER_00:

Hello, hello, hello, hi, hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Hello Tanya podcast, where I share little bite-size pieces. Bite-sized pieces. I think I'm hungry. I haven't had lunch yet. Where I share bite-size concepts, exercises, and frameworks that I've learned from seeing a spiritual healer slash mentor and coach for the last three years. If this is your first time here, welcome. I do recommend starting back at the beginning to episode one for some context. And because we kind of we're kind of building as we go here. So we want to start at the beginning. 1111, hey. Okay, so uh the the envelope tie, the letter tie has returned because this week we are doing forgiveness letters part two. So forgiveness letters to yourself. How did you go with that? I hope you tried it and feel a bit lighter. So this week I'll be talking about part two, forgiveness letters to others, letting go, and cutting. I'll talk about the latter two first. This is gonna be a slightly heavy, slightly prickly, slightly tricky episode to talk about because you know a funny all sorts of funny things happen when you begin a healing journey. You begin when you begin reeling in all that energy you've been pouring and placing into others and begin to prioritize yourself, your needs, and your happiness, your life begins to change. Suddenly, and sometimes not so suddenly, you start to feel happier, but you're shining brighter, your energy is up, and good things start to happen. But you begin to change. Your outlook and priorities begin to change. You no longer shrink yourself in places, you respect yourself and keep your boundaries strong. You no longer seek validation from others or second guess yourself. Your intuition is getting stronger, and spaces, people, and communities, the old version of you used to inhabit, start feeling different. You may notice people's vibes and intentions a bit more clearly. You may begin to feel uncomfortable about existing friendships and dynamics. It's a little corny, but stay with me. It can sometimes feel a bit like waking up in the matrix. Sometimes it's sudden, and sometimes it's a slow and dawning and often upsetting realization. The people, places, and dynamics that you had surrounded yourself with when you were at your lowest no longer feel safe or comfortable. You no longer have the capacity to endure or encourage commiserating or misery or negativity. You crave the company of those who are trying or at least considering improving how they think and feel about themselves. Negativity and insecurity feel like a turnoff. Gossiping no longer interests you. And certain spaces and communities that felt like home you now find draining. Particularly those dynamics that have been historically one-sided, akin to trauma dumping with no interest in solutions, no matter how much great advice you'd shared when you had the capacity. It can feel like a big shock and change for everyone involved. However, try to remember that you are the number one priority. No one else. No one's feelings, ego, pride, or perceived loyalty or sunken cost fallacy in some cases. It can and has been, for me, lonely and isolating this journey. But as always, incredibly worth it. What led to this was being an absolute control freak about my energy at the advice of Lika. Being incredibly vigilant and taking notice about how I felt after spending time with anyone or spending time anywhere? Did I feel tired, drained, sad, or confused? Did I feel judged? If I had shared about what I'd been learning, was it met with support or disdain? Did I feel like my cup was filled or emptied? Did I feel excited and fulfilled? Did I feel anxious? Did I feel the desire to not share my wins and only share negative things? Did I feel tired or energized? Was I excited to spend time with them again? Zooming out of my life to the point where I was looking at it from a bird's eye point of view and really questioning, but how do I maintain relationships with people I don't feel good around? The short answer, though it might seem cold and harsh, especially from a former people pleasers point of view, is you don't. You do not deserve to pour your precious love and energy into dynamics that aren't safe, respectful, or kind. Whether it is family or longtime co-workers, friends, or lovers. You truly are who you surround yourself with. And no matter how many excuses you may make for yourself or them, if it feels damaging, it will continue to damage you. Which of course is all easier said than done. Dynamics can be tricky and complicated. However, I do believe that Maya Angelou quote is evergreen. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. This will ring true time and time again the longer you do this work. You can still love people and wish them well, and know that you cannot spend as much time around them as you used to. You will probably be met with anger and defensiveness. That's usually ego speaking. One thing Lika shared with me that always rings around my head is that unhappy people cannot stand happy people. The same applies to insecurity and confidence. They may have liked you better when you hated yourself. When you begin standing in your power, standing up for yourself, or no longer allowing yourself to be treated in a way that you used to allow, it's almost always met with anger and defensiveness, deflection or disparagement. I've witnessed this firsthand a few times, unfortunately. It's not easy. But what you're experiencing in that reaction, and I've mentioned this before, is usually the result of the other party no longer having that power over you. You no longer allow yourself to be spoken to that way, to be taken advantage of, to be a punching bag, to roll over, look away, and quickly forgive them when you're met with disrespect. You're allowed to leave. You may not be able to control how others feel or react, but you can control how you do, how much access they have to you, not as punishment or silent treatment or with malice, but with self-respect, kindness, and love. It is a kindness to remove yourself. It is a kindness to wind back your energy and efforts in one-way dynamics. It is a kindness to stop reaching out to those who do not respect you, your time, and all that goodness and beauty you have to offer. Take that vitamin N. Say less. Love yourself, put yourself first, and get in that bubble. Continue, as always, to be polite and kind. Continue to move with love, but reel it back. If something or someone is coming to mind right now, you know what to do. It'll be hard and it'll be scary, but you know deep down that you deserve better. So if you find them coming into your thoughts or you begin feeling the roommate trying to make you feel guilty, because it definitely will, Lika would tell me to cut, cut, cut. For those not watching, I'm turning my hand into scissors and making a cutting motion around my head. Cut, as in stop, cut it out. And if it's particularly nasty, you can put that person in the same box you put the roommate, place that pot, place that padlock, lock it up, and flush away the key. Another letting go practice Lika shared with me involves using a balloon. Write their name on a very small piece of paper and put it into a balloon. While blowing up the balloon, say their name, say, I let you go, tie it up and release it. And do this on a windy day. And of course, the final part of this is the forgiveness letter. Name the things they have done to hurt or disrespect you. Dear so-and-so, I forgive you for breaking my trust. I forgive you for treating me so poorly. I forgive you for acting weird. I forgive you for not celebrating my wins. I forgive you for letting me down. And then forgive yourself for letting yourself be treated that way. Forgive yourself for putting yourself and safety first. End the letter like the last one to yourself. I forgive you, I forgive me. Thank you. Thank me. I love you, and I love me. I let you go. And really mean it. Really forgive them and yourself. Let it go. Burn and release. There is no need to let someone's actions or treatment fester or replay events in slow motion, practicing sassy clapbacks in the shower. All that does is take energy away from you. And again, it's exactly what the roommate wants. The roommate will want you to replay those moments over and over again. Like I've said in previous episodes, you know, uh, it's like the rock collection of trauma that I would be like, oh my God, look, look how I've been treated. Throw those rocks away. They're weighing you down. They're weighing you down. Keep them, keep them away from you. Really, really release it, release them and let it go. If you are currently going through this or have been through this already, this kind of moment in the healing journey when you're like, uh-oh.

unknown:

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh-oh, the things that, you know, I surrounded myself when I was at my lowest no longer aligns with who I am. If you're going through this, I'm so proud of you. This is some of the hardest work of all because it really ties into our ego and our roommate. And, you know, we we feel like we can't because we don't want to hurt anyone. But at the end of the day, if it's hurting you, oh my goodness, that was my tummy. I'm sorry. At the end of the day, if it's hurting you, it's it's not worth it. So it is some of the hardest work of all. But please know it does get better. It does feel better. The brighter you shine, the madder some people may get. But the more you remove yourself from places and people intent on dimming that light, the more space you create for the right things. And it may feel isolating, but who needs bad friends when your company is the best of all? Whew! Okay. It's mirror work moment time. Now, at this stage, y'all should know what mirror work is, right? This isn't our first rodeo. We are approaching ourselves in the mirror, be it handheld, be it little compact, be it in your rear view mirror in the car just before a meeting. You want to approach yourself with absolute unconditional love. You want to approach yourself with admiration, with pride, with respect, with so much, so much love and kindness and gentleness. And you are gonna speak things to yourself that you have always needed and wanted to hear. I hope by now you've started adding your own ones, but let's revisit what we've done already, shall we? I've got my mirror here. Okay. All right, let's build, let's build. You know what? I love this bit. Okay. All right. I love you and I'm proud of you. I trust myself, I value myself, and I accept myself. I can do it alone. The universe is always with me. I am ready for miracles. Thank you, universe. And why am I so lucky? I am too strong to be broken. I am powerful and protected. I am grateful for this moment. I am the greatest project I will ever work on. All that I need is already mine. I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to. I choose to focus on the positive aspects of my life. Miracles are normal. Everything always works out for me. This week, I'd like to invite you to also try seeing I attract positive energy and people into my life. And that is us for episode 11. Good luck to all of you that need to write forgiveness letters. As someone who used to wear my mistreatment proudly like armor, I am truly, like I truly am grateful for these exercises. As Lika says, make room for new. At this point, I haven't written the next episode yet, so I guess the next one will be a surprise for both of us. Thanks as always to Christopher Stratton for all you do, and for uh to Frances Carter for the amazing photos. And you know what? Here we are again. I just want to say thank you so much for listening, for watching, for engaging. Um, if you are enjoying what I'm creating here, I would really appreciate if you subscribed, if you liked, if you commented, because it really does. It truly, I can't believe like I'm I'm a you know like and subscribe kind of gal, but it like literally makes a huge difference uh in visibility in the algorithm. I, you know, have been putting these out weekly and I can see the difference between episode one and the later ones, and I understand that there's a drop-off, but if you could take 30 seconds to do that, I would really appreciate it. And if you are uh just on podcasts, a rating and a review would also make a big, big difference too. All right, and thank you to those who have been here from day one. I see you. I see you, I love you, I appreciate you. Thank you. And if you are new, I love you too. I am so proud of you wherever you are on your journey. And even if you are just chilling out to these, um, that's also cool. And if you are doing the work, that's really cool. All right, my friends, that is us for episode 11. Who knows what's happening next because I don't right now. Thank you. I love you and I love me. I forgot that I was saying that in the first eight episodes. I'm glad to bring that back. I love you and I love me. Thank you. Thank me. And I'm gonna press the outro button. Thank you so much for watching. Bye bye. Thank you.