Hello Tanya

Ep.10- Forgiveness Letters (part one)

• Tanya Barlow • Season 1 • Episode 10

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Welcome back to the Hello Tanya Podcast! This week I'll be discussing the practice of writing forgiveness letters to yourself as a way to release shame, regret, and old patterns.

• Why self-forgiveness begins the healing journey
• What to include in a forgiveness letter to yourself
• Handling guilt, shame, regret without spiralling
• Reframing setbacks as lessons to thank and release
• Mirror work affirmations for daily self-trust
• Gentle reminders to stop replaying mental reruns
• Preparing for part two on forgiving others

If you're enjoying what I'm creating here, please like this video if you're watching on YouTube, comment and subscribe!
If you are strictly listening, I'd really appreciate a rating and a review! Thank you! <3


Production design, intro music and video by Christopher Stratton. Podcast photos by Frances Carter. Find Tanya at @hellotanya and the pod at @hellotanyapod on IG, and https://www.youtube.com/@hellotanyapod <3

SPEAKER_00:

Hi, hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Hello Tanya podcast, where I share pocket-sized concepts, frameworks, exercises, care of my spiritual healer and coach. If this is your first time here, welcome. I recommend heading back to episode one, starting from the beginning, because we do need context. Oh my goodness, we're in double digits, y'all. Welcome to episode 10. Tan tan 10. Tans across the board. Hey. If you're watching on YouTube, you might have noticed that I'm wearing a tie with envelopes and letters on them because this week I'll be talking about forgiveness letters. And this is part one of two. The idea of a forgiveness letter sounds pretty daunting, kind of official and serious, right? Today I'll be discussing the most important kind of forgiveness letter. And you probably guessed it. It's for yourself. I say this because when Lika first told me to start writing these letters, I was filled with fear. And I'm not sure why. It felt, like I said, really serious and really daunting and overwhelming. As with a lot of these concepts, this one goes hand in hand with letting things go. The past being an illusion and forgiving yourself. At the start of your healing journey, I do believe this is a really, really important exercise to do. Because how do you let go of the things weighing on you and your heart and your brain without acknowledging them, noting them, and forgiving yourself for them? We cannot heal or exist in a vacuum. As much as Lika tells us to focus on the present and the future, forgiveness letters are a massive part in letting go and lightening the load. And I'm also afraid to say that forgiveness letters are not a one and done as much as we would hope they would be. Not that I'm implying that you'll be constantly doing things that you need to write forgiveness letters for. But it's not just about the quote-unquote bad things you may have done, say a poor response to a difficult situation, or how you treated others. It's also about forgiving yourself for things such as trusting someone you shouldn't have, allowing yourself to be treated unkindly, staying in a situation, be it a job, friendship, or relationship, for too long. My first forgiveness letter was all over the show. I jumped around, kind of hurting my own feelings, cringing, thinking about the times I'd embarrassed myself or others, let others cross my boundaries, allowed myself to be manipulated. I thought about times that I'd experienced envy or jealousy or anger, as well as stealing erasers from my classmates' drawers in primary school. Like that still haunts me, and I still feel bad about it. But I forgive myself because I don't know, I was like five. I forgave myself for chasing friendships, for chasing affection, and for chasing in general. It can be as simple or as heavy as you can man as you can manage, and as long or as short as you like, but address it to yourself. Mine went a little bit like um, dear Tanya, I forgive you for being a people pleaser. I forgive you for feeling like you had to be generous so you could receive love. I forgive you for not knowing yet how you deserve to be treated. I forgive you for not knowing your value. And I would switch it up between I forgive you and I forgive myself. I forgive myself for acting out of fear. I forgive myself for acting out of scarcity. I forgive myself for listening to my roommate for so long. And I forgive myself for being so mean to me for so long. End the letter with I love you, I love me, thank you, thank me, I forgive you, I forgive me, I let you go, and burn the letter. Try to really feel those burdens that you'd placed on yourself for so long, finally leave you. Grace for yourself is underrated. It is so very easy to get caught up in and be weighed down by things that you have never really forgiven yourself for. There's a lot of power in this one, so as always, do this with care and gentleness for yourself. You're essentially revisiting the roommate's greatest hits, the things that may have kept you up at night, the moments that wake you up in a cold sweat at 3 a.m. and make you cringe and curl your toes. They may be things you've never told another soul and never will. Things you never had the pra the bravery to face. Guilt, shame, and embarrassment, and regret could all come knocking at the door again. But the beauty of the forgiveness letter is removing the power, the weight, the significance of these moments, memories, patterns, or traits. Naming them, truly forgiving yourself from them, and really, no, really letting them go this time is the key to lightness. It's like wearing multiple heavy and invisible coats all at the same time, visible to no one but you feel them. And you know they've always been there, and you expected them to always be with you, holding you accountable, weighing you down. That's a form of torture, my loves. Please don't punish yourself, your past self, for things that no longer align with who you are now and who you are becoming. I'll usually revisit forgiveness letters after I found myself returning to an old pattern or got sucker-punched by a boomerang or lesson and forgive myself for letting it happen again. Try as we might, those lessons never stop coming. We just have to say, like I said before, thank you for the lesson. Forgive ourselves, let it go, and move on. There's no need to make a meal out of something we've done or let happen and ruminate and overthink and spiral. Oh no, I've done it again. Oh no, I've let it happen again. Because that's exactly what your roommate wants to do. The roommate loves reruns, it doesn't like change or growth. It's not open to new, it wants to reheat those trauma nachos and make you think about that bad thing again. Don't be fooled. Leave those leftovers and reruns alone. Take this exercise as an invitation to shed, to declutter your spiritual wardrobe and start again. I mean, it's spring after all. Come on, right? All right. Mirror work moment time. As a reminder, mirror work is I think it's the purest form of self-love. It's talking to yourself kindly in the mirror. Taking in all of you. I mean, if you can handle it, do it naked. Do it after or before a shower. Do it in the mirror and speak to yourself with love and kindness and gentleness and compassion. Say the things you have always wanted and needed to hear. Speak as if you are speaking to your best friend because guess what? You are your best friend. Okay, let's build. Let's build on what we've done so far, shall we? I've got my mirror here. Okay. I love you and I'm proud of you. I trust myself, I value myself, and I accept myself. I can do it alone. The universe is always with me. I am ready for miracles. Thank you, universe. And why am I so lucky? I am too strong to be broken. I am powerful and protected. I am grateful for this moment. I am the greatest project I will ever work on. All that I need is already mine. I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to. I choose to focus on the positive aspects of my life. Miracles are normal and everything always works out for me. This week, I'd like to invite you to also try saying I treat myself with kindness always. And I forgive myself. Well, that's us for episode 10. Next week, I'll be discussing part two Forgiveness Letters for Others. Letting Go and Cutting. Another prickly one, but very important. Thanks as always to Christopher Stratton on production design, intro, video, music, etc., as well as Frances Carter for the amazing photos. I also want to say thank you all so much for watching and or listening. If you're enjoying what I'm creating here, please like this video if you're watching on YouTube, comment and subscribe. If you are strictly listening, I'd really appreciate a rating and a review. On YouTube especially, this makes a huge difference in visibility. And I would be really grateful if you would take the time to do this. And thank you to those who have been here and doing this from day one. I see you. I see you every week, and I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. It really, it really means the world. I'm not gonna cry because I did my makeup. So thank you so much. I'll see you next week. I'm gonna press the button and I will press the right one this time. Thank you. Bye bye.