Hello Tanya

Ep.07- Seven Cardinal Rules of Life (part one)

• Tanya Barlow • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Welcome back to the Hello Tanya Podcast! This week I'll be discussing the first three of Seven cardinal rules of life as taught by my spiritual healer, offering insights about making peace with your past, not caring what others think of you, and allowing time to heal wounds.

• Rule One: Make peace with your past so it won't disrupt your present
• Understanding how "the past is an illusion" changes our relationship with trauma
• The concept of "boomerangs" – when past people or patterns return as tests from the universe
• Rule Two: What other people think of you is not your business
• Freedom comes from releasing yourself from others' judgments
• "Cringe is joy without judgment. Being cringe is being free"
• Rule Three: Time heals most everything
• Time only heals when we give wounds space to heal
• The importance of not constantly reopening old wounds
• Mirror Work Moment

Next week, I'll share the remaining four of the Seven cardinal rules of life.

Production design, intro music and video by Christopher Stratton. Podcast photos by Frances Carter. Find Tanya at @hellotanya and the pod at @hellotanyapod on IG, and https://www.youtube.com/@hellotanyapod <3

Speaker 1:

Hi, hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Hello Tanya podcast. Woohoo, I don't know where that came from. This podcast is where I share tips, tricks, tools, exercises, concepts, frameworks, lessons from seeing a spiritual healer for the last three years. I'm sharing things that I found really helpful and I hope that they help you too. If this is your first time here, welcome. I recommend starting from the very beginning because we're kind of like working through things chronologically-ish and we're kind of building upon them. If it's not your first time here, welcome back.

Speaker 1:

Episode seven I hope that you have been adding a little bit of vitamin N to your life, not taking things personally and having no expectations. How is that going? I know it's not easy. I know it's not easy If you have or haven't tried any of these exercises yet. I'm still glad that you're here with me and I'm so proud of you. Thanks for taking the time to have a little peaceful moment with me, whether you're making breakfast, doing your chores, putting away your laundry or heading off to sleep.

Speaker 1:

So, episode seven I thought we could talk about the seven cardinal rules of life as shared by Lika, my spiritual healer. So fairly early on in a session with Lika, she asked me have I told you about the seven cardinal rules of life? I was like no. She would often drop new concepts, exercises, affirmations or homework in this way. It caught me off guard every time, but it kind of makes sense because, you know, lika sees upwards of like 30 clients a week and every single person is, you know, at a different stage of their journey. So every so often she'll be like have I told you this? Sometimes she alludes to courses and conferences, so sometimes these concepts are new to her as well. So I changed the pen color, started a new page and prepared to write them down. Like I said, as it's episode seven, I thought it fitting to at least introduce this. But I'll just share the first three, and I don't believe that they are in any particular order. All right, number one make peace with your past so it won't disrupt your present. Pretty straightforward, right. I interpret this in a number of ways Making peace with your past self, with your past behaviors, past relationships or past patterns.

Speaker 1:

Lika's shared quite a few bits about the past. The one that she's repeated to me the most has been the past is an illusion, which at first I was like huh, but she's right, the past has already happened. It can be tainted, discolored, often rose-tinted, viewed upon with bias, whether it's with nostalgia or pain. I thought of my precious rock collection of trauma that I used to carry around and refer to that I talked about last episode, almost using that my past to define my present. I was my pain, my pain defined me, identified me, the benchmark of how I'd been treated so terribly.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes ruminating on certain situations is like picking at an open wound or tonguing a sore in your mouth, a scab on the back of your head, or squeezing that zit. It kind of feels good at the time. You know you probably shouldn't do it, probably shouldn't do it, and it's kind of turned into a habit. I used to define myself by my hurt and lead with it, regaling the shocking tale of now. I'm using this as an example here. I am not doing this right now, but anyway I used to define myself by my hurt and lead with it, regaling the shocking tale of how I discovered my ex had been cheating on me the entire eight years of our relationship. Now I kind of lost myself in the telling of it, like I, like weirdly, found comfort in everyone's shocked reactions. Found comfort in everyone's shocked reactions. I realize now, of course, I had not been processing it properly, the theatrics of sharing the events taking precedence over actually processing what happened. Like, look everyone, look at how terribly I'd been treated and I'd perfected the story to a T, though, like I had everyone hooked, so much so that a former friend tried to talk me into giving her story and turn it into a theater show Crazy. Every time I told that story I felt further and further away from being the one that it had happened to. I felt further and further away from being the one that it had happened to. All that being said, by all means feel everything. Take your time to process, let your emotions ebb and flow, but know that your past does not define you, even though it feels like it does. It does not. You will move on and it does get better. By saying the past is an illusion does not invalidate any trauma that you've experienced. It's shifting power away from it. A single thread in the tapestry of life, not the main theme, and you know what else. Thank you for the lesson. See, that's a callback.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that Lika references in terms of the past is the concept of a boomerang, or sometimes a revolving door. A boomerang or sometimes a revolving door. By boomerang she means a person or a pattern from your past that you've moved on from or thought you had moved on from may return or boomerang back into your life. She'll often refer to this as a lesson or a test from the universe, as in are you sure you've really healed from this pow? Or say, uh, this person has returned. How will you navigate this like oh, you think you're good, what about this?

Speaker 1:

I've been hit with my fair share of boomerangs, and it is humbling, to say the least. A lesson I feel almost doomed to repeat is letting people take advantage of me. I can't tell you how many times I've been through it, but I dutifully brush myself off. Been through it, but I dutifully brush myself off. Give myself compassion for letting it happen again and say thank you for the lesson. Boomerangs are a wake-up call, the engine light flicking on, making sure that you are checking yourself.

Speaker 1:

So, rule of the second cardinal rule of life, here we go. Number two what other people think of you is not your business. Oh, pretty straightforward stuff. Conversely, what I think of other people is solely my business too Navigating the world while worrying how you're being perceived, exhausting how would you get anything done if you're worried about what people think of you? This naturally goes hand-in-hand with last week's episode regarding not taking things personally and having no expectations. Not taking things personally and having no expectations Give yourself permission, the freedom to operate this world without judgment, whether it's perceived judgment or internal judgment. Acab includes the cop in your head too. Y'all, again, easier said than done.

Speaker 1:

If you're working through insecurity or low self-worth, sometimes we look to others for validation reactions to make our decisions, because we never learned to trust our own selves. If you've ever been the kind of person to, if you've ever been the type of person who, if you've ever been the type of person who gives sage ass advice to your friends, and never yourself I'm looking at you because I was that person. Don't do things for other people, and I don't mean like helping someone move or making them dinner or anything. I mean don't put so much value on others' judgment of you, so much so that you might not do it at all. Cringe is joy without judgment. Being cringe is being free. So if we all placed the importance of what others think of us over our own, I don't think anyone would do anything at all. So to repeat that what other people think of you is none of your business.

Speaker 1:

And finally, the third rule of the third cardinal rule of life out of the seven, an oldie but a goodie the classic time heals most everything. Give it time. Time is a healer. Listen, I know I'm not sharing anything super groundbreaking or brand new, but sometimes simplicity is best, and sometimes we do need the reminder that time, time, time does heal most things. So sometimes we do have to remind ourselves of the fundamentals. I do think this one should come with a caveat though Time does heal most everything. Yes, give it time, but only if you give it space, let it become the past, treat it like an illusion and let it go so that there is a possibility to heal. Time can't heal a wound that constantly gets picked at, that constantly gets picked at. So that is the three Of seven Cardinal rules of life that Lika has shared with me, of course, with some extra sprinkles of the past is an illusion, not an official rule, but A good one to keep in mind. Alright, it's mirror work, moment time as a reminder.

Speaker 1:

Mirror work is when you approach yourself in the mirror like a fan or your best friend and say the things to yourself that you've always needed to hear or always wanted to hear. You're gassing yourself up and, like I said, you want to aim for about five minutes of this and you want to aim to do this every day. Like I said, a good time to do this is when you're brushing your teeth or doing your skincare, doing your hair, doing your makeup, getting ready Anytime that you're like in a bathroom on your own. Okay, so we are going to build on what we've already said. So I've got my mirror here. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 1:

I love you and I'm proud of you. I trust myself, I value myself and I accept myself. I can do it alone. The universe is always with me. I am ready for miracles. Thank you, universe. And why am I so lucky? I am too strong to be broken. I am powerful and protected. I am grateful for this moment. I am the greatest project I will ever work on.

Speaker 1:

This week, I'd like to invite you to try saying all that I need is already mine and I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to. Oh, oh, that's a good one, oh, that's a good one. And that is us for episode seven, the intro to the seven cardinal rules of life. I hope you make peace with your past. Avoid boomerangs, but thank you for the lesson. If they do hit, you Know that what other people think of you is none of your business, and remember that time is a healer. Next week, I'll be introducing the other half of the seven cardinal rules of life, according to Lika, as always.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for spending some time with me. I really appreciate it. This is crazy for me to do. I never thought I'd be doing this, but here we are. I do have to admit that I am pre-recording these and I believe I am currently in Japan right now. I might have got my timing off. Anyway, thank you for spending time with me. I love you, I love me and I hope that you're being kinder to yourself and I hope that somewhere along these little episodes you find a little nugget that resonates with you and I hope that it helps. As always, I want to thank Christopher Stratton for all of his beautiful work on this podcast. He is the production designer, he built the set, he performed the music, he filmed and edited the intro video. An all-around talent and genius and beautiful friend. Thank you, chris, and also, as always, thank you to Francis Carter for the beautiful photos for this podcast. All right, my friends. That is us for episode seven. I'm going to press the outro button. Thank you so much. Bye-bye.