Hello Tanya

Ep.01- Introductions, Spirituality As A Skeptic

• Tanya Barlow • Season 1 • Episode 1

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Welcome to the first episode of the Hello Tanya podcast, with Tanya Barlow! I'll be sharing my journey with a spiritual healer and the transformative tools I've learned along the way. As a former skeptic who's experienced people-pleasing, boundary issues and intense self-loathing, I'm opening up about how spiritual healing helped me in ways traditional therapy couldn't.

• This podcast offers an insight to spirituality without preaching and non-toxic positivity from a semi-skeptic's perspective
• My first healing session revealed my grandmother as my spirit guide and challenged my understanding of self-love
• Self-love isn't conditional or a reward- it's a challenging daily practice requiring consistent effort
• Two powerful exercises: self-hugging and mirror work (looking at yourself with compassion and speaking affirmations)
• Each episode will end with a Mirror Work Moment, where we practice together

Join me next week as I discuss "The Roommate" and how to deal with automatic negative thoughts.



Production design, intro music and video by Christopher Stratton. Podcast photos by Frances Carter. Find Tanya at @hellotanya and the pod at @hellotanyapod on IG, and https://www.youtube.com/@hellotanyapod <3

Tanya:

Hi, hi, hi there, hi, welcome. Welcome to the first ever episode of the Hello Tanya podcast. My name is Tanya Barlow. I'm one of those multi-disciplinary creative types. I'm mainly known for my nail art. I'm 41. I am half Singaporean, half New Zealander, and grew up in Hong Kong, and I'm currently based in Tamaki Makaurau in New Zealand. It's nice to meet you and I'm really glad that you're here.

Tanya:

So what is this all about? Am I going to be talking about nail art, beauty, whatever? Actually, no, actually, no. Okay, listen, this is pretty for me, um, putting myself out there, but, um, okay, here we go.

Tanya:

In short, I've been seeing a spiritual healer for well, she's like a healer, spiritual healer, spiritual mentor, spiritual coach for about three years now. The change that I've experienced has been dramatic, to say the least. It's been challenging and rewarding and eye-opening and a lot of hard work, a lot of hard work. Over the years, she's imparted so many useful tools and exercises and homework and, with her kind permission, she's allowed me to share these with you. I want to share my experience of what it's been like to see someone like that and to share the tools that she's shared with me that I have found particularly helpful and I want to share my interpretations of what she's shared with me and hopefully they help you too. I'm no expert, but I have been through some things. I've been a people pleaser, I've had trouble with keeping my boundaries strong, I've experienced a lot of self-loathing, I've been through an emotionally abusive relationship, I've experienced grief, and I want to share how I've navigated all of those things and still am.

Tanya:

This podcast is an invitation for people who are curious about spirituality without being preached to, for those seeking some non-toxic positivity. From the point of view of a semi-slash-former skeptic, I'm still pretty skeptical, honestly. This podcast is also for my younger self. If you're like me, welcome. If you're not like me, even better. I don't have all the answers, but I do have some experience and I'm figuring things out as I go, and aren't we all?

Tanya:

My aim is to keep these episodes fairly short and share an actionable concept or exercise and release this weekly. So why this and why now? Because I never thought I could. I used to close myself off to possibilities and block my own success, not leaving my comfort zone. There is no better time than now, even though a part of me is scared as hell Because, man, it is scary being super vulnerable and sharing who I am and what I've been through and what I believe in.

Tanya:

But this is not a traditional self-help podcast. I don't have the ultimate answers. The only expert I am is maybe a nails or beauty, and I'll happily take that title, but I don't have the cheat codes to happiness. Okay, like I you know I'm I'm not. My intention isn't to like sell happiness or, you know, have all the answers, but what I do have is experience and self-awareness and a desire to share some nuggets of wisdom that have really helped me. So remain skeptical. I actually encourage you to stay skeptical, but also maybe be a little curious too.

Tanya:

To this day, I'm still not sure what spirituality actually means to me. I kind of see it more as self-development rather than spirituality, like I said. Anyway, sorry, I'm gonna keep in the mistakes. Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. Before we start getting into the meat of the stuff, let's go back to where it all started and I want to share my experience of my very, very first session of seeing Lika, my spiritual healer. We're going to go back to May 2022.

Tanya:

With saying no, keeping my boundaries, I had really long bouts of self-doubt and like the most intense negative self-talk, like it was non-stop on a loop, terrible, not good, very not good times and I did not like my own company. I was constantly reaching out, trying to like find people to hang out with because I did not want to be like left alone with my own thoughts and, you know, I thought I knew what self-love was, but I also didn't really like myself. You know, at that point I'd been in therapy for like eight years and had already made really great strides in overcoming the damage of being in an emotionally abusive relationship and all the fun stuff that comes with that like self-doubt, self-esteem issues, feeling like I deserved what I went through Note I did not. Anyway, a very dear friend of mine, amanda Grace Leo, a fellow multi-talented creative tarot reader, face painter, actor, incredible singer, had mentioned seeing a healer named Lika and suggested that I have a session. I'd kind of hit a crossroads at that point, like I honestly thought I was doing pretty well but I had a feeling like something was missing. Like I honestly thought I was doing pretty well but I had a feeling like something was missing. Like I guess I felt a bit lost and I kind of needed a little something extra that, like therapy wasn't really doing for me. I was also slightly okay, deeply skeptical, like I did not know what it involved, what it was going to be like, what was you know what was involved? Like I had no idea. But I texted the number that Amanda gave me and I set up an appointment and truly not sure what was going to happen. Now, side note, I'll set a small boundary here. While I have been given permission to share the things that I've learned through my sessions with Lika, I will not be sharing her contact details, nor is she able to take on new clients, if I did. If you're looking for a spiritual healer, I cannot help you, um, but if you wanted to, you know, learn about what I learned from seeing one, then I'm glad you're here. So thank you for understanding, but I will not be sharing her details.

Tanya:

Okay, so the session, the first session with Lika. First of all, I did not know what to expect. I'm someone who is quite sensitive to vibes and energy. You know, I have worked as a makeup artist and nail artist for a very long time and I've become very good at reading people and after several years of therapy I was pretty self-aware. So we met over Zoom.

Tanya:

We met over Zoom and she introduced herself as Lika. She immediately told me that she felt some spirits coming to her. I was like, okay, here we go. She knew nothing about me, mind you, and vice versa, just my name and she goes. She told me she saw a Chinese woman and she asks me why am I seeing Chinese people? Asks me, why am I seeing Chinese people? Are you Chinese? I laugh, choked, skeptical brain being massively challenged by this straight up stranger, essentially telling me she's seeing the ghost of my grandmother. But I reply yes and I internally realize that maybe she's the real deal. Disbelief immediately is suspended. I listen in awe as she tells me that she can see my Nana and that she's my main spirit guide and that she's been holding a umbrella of like protective light over me. My grandma and I weren't very close. There was also a language barrier, but I didn't really know what to say or how to react. But man, it felt really nice to know that I was being looked out for.

Tanya:

She swiftly switches topics and eyeballs me and sternly asking Tanya, why don't you love yourself? The rage and defensiveness I felt bubbling up inside me, like how dare you ask me why I don't love myself? Like eight, eight years of therapy, learning to love myself and this body. Like do you know how much I hated myself before? Like I was so angry. I was so angry. Like it's like of course I love myself. How dare you even ask do you know how long, how long I, despite you, know I was very, very angry, very defensive. But it's very funny Reflecting back on this three years later because I am not surprised by my reaction. It's pretty standard stuff. I think it's pretty standard to feel immediately defensive when someone clocks you, defensive when someone clocks you. But you know, like Katie Heron and Mean Girls, the limit does not exist.

Tanya:

Like being asked why I don't love myself doesn't mean or negate, doesn't sorry, doesn't mean that it negates all the work that I'd already done on myself. Like it was actually an invitation to love myself more fully, unconditionally. It was definitely unconditional before. Like I'll love myself if I've been good or I'd done good work and that self-love was a reward for good behavior. Self-love isn't like a hashtag or a buzzword or, like you know, a cool concept for content or whatever it's. Self-love isn't a manicure or a bath or a facial or a massage. You know it's challenging. It's an ongoing journey, like self-love, is a practice, and the classic thing about practice is you got to do it every day.

Tanya:

She continued to tell me that my heart was full of broken puzzle pieces, that my head was full of mashed potato what? And that my quote unquote roommate, the negative voice in my head, was very comfortable, like he was in a Lazy Boy smoking a durry and yucking it up, and that I had a lot of work to do. And boy, howdy did I. I'll talk about the roommate and automatic negative thoughts in the next episode. She tells me that I was full of holes and attachments that and I needed to be cleaned. This involved and again, this was over zoom. This involved holding various parts of my body while she cleared energy, wiping her hands like this. Wiping her hands like this was kind of like holding her hands up to the screen and then doing a little bit of wiping. This was done in silence and took about an hour and I really struggled. I was fidgety, I was. I was like I want to look at my phone, like I hate this. What is like? The skeptic in me rose back up again and I was like what is happening? She's doing this over zoom. You're going to clear my energy over zoom. Okay, but you know what? I did feel better after, so I'm gonna suspend that, I'm gonna suspend that feeling.

Tanya:

Before wrapping up the very first session, she shared two exercises with me that I still practice on a daily basis. The first is pretty simple, and I'm going to share these with you, by the way, the first is pretty simple and that's just giving yourself a big hug, a big I'm going to do this now a big cuddle, a big squish. You can also cup your face lovingly too, like this, and I hated it. This is going gonna be a kind of a theme. This is gonna be a very common theme with all these. I hated it. I hated all of these exercises. To begin with, because I felt so self-conscious, like I was so uncomfortable and I was like hug myself, what. But you know what? It feels pretty nice A big sigh, maybe a little, a little rock, a little rock to the side, to side, to feels pretty good too.

Tanya:

And then, finally, she introduced me to mirror work and encouraged me to try it afterwards. Now, full disclaimer. This shit is not easy. I could not bring myself to do it. And then I felt guilty for not doing it. I was beating myself up over not doing it and look there it is the roommate has popped up again. I was telling me that the roommate was telling me that love was conditional and I didn't deserve to tell myself good things, cool stuff, brain. Thank you very much.

Tanya:

So mirror work is essentially gassing yourself up in the mirror. It is approaching yourself in the mirror like you are your best friend, like you're a fan, and essentially telling yourself things that you really need to hear. When I finally talked myself into doing it, I locked myself in the bathroom as if I was doing something I shouldn't, and I stared at myself for a while. I tried staring at myself with love and compassion and then I said I love you and I'm proud of you. I repeated it a few times and then I broke down into big fat subs. I was crying a lot. I cried my damn eyes out and I really needed to hear it like and from myself.

Tanya:

And a tiny lesson in that practice was that you know it's the realization that everything you need is already inside of you, that you just have to take a moment and listen to what you need to hear, listen to your body and, like, figure out what you need to hear and give it to yourself. Like, figure out what you need to hear and give it to yourself. But, like all things that involve practice, the work, the bulk of the work, happens outside of the session, and it did get easier the more I did it and it felt less strange and confronting. So let's call it a mirror work moment. I'm going to have a mirror work moment at the end of every episode and I'd like to invite you to try doing a little mirror work moment with me. Okay, I'd like you to first of all give yourself a big hug. I'm doing it again.

Tanya:

Take a moment in the mirror and look yourself in the eyes and, with love Always with love Listen to your gut. What is something that you have needed to hear or have been wanting others to say to you, and try saying it to yourself. And, as a side note, maybe have a little think about what comes up when you do it. If you don't know what to say, you're welcome to steal mine so you can say here's my mirror, I love you and I'm proud of you. Okay, all right, again, I'm not your mom. I'm not going to be mad or disappointed if you don't try this. This is simply an invitation and if you do try it, I'm proud of you. If you don't, I'm still proud of you. So that concludes the very first episode of the Hello Tanya podcast.

Tanya:

Thank you so much for being here and thank you for sticking around. If you have gotten this far, I love you, I love me, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of me. Look at me. We're doing this, and next week I will be talking about the roommate and how to deal with those pesky, automated negative thoughts. I want to also give a huge shout out to Christopher Stratton, who this podcast wouldn't simply not exist without his help. He created this entire set, he played the music, he created the video intro.

Tanya:

Like Chris, I love you, thank you. You are amazing and an inspiration. I'm so grateful to know you. Thank you, you are amazing and an inspiration. I'm so grateful to know you. Thank you so much. And I also want to give a huge shout out to Frances Carter for the amazing photos, the amazing photos that she did for this. I'm so happy and so proud and I'm so excited to begin this journey with you and thank you so much for being here. Thank you, and I will see you next week. Thank you, bye. I'm gonna press the outro button here. Okay, here we go, bye.